I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
