you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
