youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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