If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
