you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
