but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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