my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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