well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
