I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
