I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
