the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
