"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
