it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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