Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
