I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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