mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
