He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
