Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you would pick up someone in the library
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
