at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
