Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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