the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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