there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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