quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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