evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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