dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I checked into jail on foursquare
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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