so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
