Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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