I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize