I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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