she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
