Moan for me like Helen Keller
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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