I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
