I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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