Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So much rum. So many feels.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
