Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dicks are not precious.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
