I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize