we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
