please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
