and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
