Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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