She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
