therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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