i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
