If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
