The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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