I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
