I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
