My nipple is on Facebook.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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