FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
