Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
