yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
