That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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