worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
