Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
