I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
