Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
