i jhust puked up my retainher.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
