yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
