I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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