so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
