Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
