I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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