i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
