Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
