That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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