shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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