He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
