That's intense
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
