haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
