you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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