My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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