Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize