She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
