Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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