clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
