I CAN MOONWALK!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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