So drunk its hurt
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
