Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
