so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
