Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FUCK WHALES
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