in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
