On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
